Carriage Horse Chat
Monologue for male or female
Tiger is a cheerful New York carriage horse.
TIGER
Tiger is a cheerful New York carriage horse.
TIGER
Howdy. I’m Tiger.
I know, funny name for a horse. I think it’s an ironic reference to my docile nature.
Calmness is a must in my job. I’m a carriage puller. Up in Central Park.
I’ve never bitten a single tourist. I have amazing self-control.
This is where I live. Clinton Stables. West 52nd Street. Near the Hudson. Nice quiet neighborhood. Not exactly overflowing with lush green fields. On the twenty-five blocks between Columbus Circle and the High Line there’s only one grass paddock. The mangy dog run over there. Who wants turd-flavored lawn? I wouldn’t feed that to a dog.
This sure ain’t no place for equine fine dining. I call it the kitchen from Hell.
Gimme Central Park any day. Clean succulent grass everywhere. Paradise. Even if it is tantalizingly outta reach. I have to stick to the dang road.
I hear some folks are campaigning to ban carriage rides. And other folks wanna keep ’em. I’m cool either way. I enjoy my work. But I wouldn’t mind taking an early retirement. Put me out to pasture in that delicious Sheep Meadow.
What’ll happen to my driver though? Wonder where he’ll end up. A glue factory?
Anyway, I’ll be fine. Everyone’s concerned for my welfare.
So if you’re ever in the Park, look around for me. I’ll be either entertaining clients or grazing in the Sheep Meadow.
Never seen any sheep there. Rename it the Tiger Meadow and lemme at it!
I know, funny name for a horse. I think it’s an ironic reference to my docile nature.
Calmness is a must in my job. I’m a carriage puller. Up in Central Park.
I’ve never bitten a single tourist. I have amazing self-control.
This is where I live. Clinton Stables. West 52nd Street. Near the Hudson. Nice quiet neighborhood. Not exactly overflowing with lush green fields. On the twenty-five blocks between Columbus Circle and the High Line there’s only one grass paddock. The mangy dog run over there. Who wants turd-flavored lawn? I wouldn’t feed that to a dog.
This sure ain’t no place for equine fine dining. I call it the kitchen from Hell.
Gimme Central Park any day. Clean succulent grass everywhere. Paradise. Even if it is tantalizingly outta reach. I have to stick to the dang road.
I hear some folks are campaigning to ban carriage rides. And other folks wanna keep ’em. I’m cool either way. I enjoy my work. But I wouldn’t mind taking an early retirement. Put me out to pasture in that delicious Sheep Meadow.
What’ll happen to my driver though? Wonder where he’ll end up. A glue factory?
Anyway, I’ll be fine. Everyone’s concerned for my welfare.
So if you’re ever in the Park, look around for me. I’ll be either entertaining clients or grazing in the Sheep Meadow.
Never seen any sheep there. Rename it the Tiger Meadow and lemme at it!
Performance by Gabriel Diehl
