Rex McGregor
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  • Rex McGregor
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  • Short Plays
    • Threatened Panda Fights Back
    • The Birds Are Feeding Me
    • Grow Up, Juliet
    • Ebook Meets Treebook
    • Prepper's Nightmare
    • Tickle That Dragon
    • Flight of the Cows
    • Stage Fights Screen
    • Don't Flip Your Snood
    • Grace Finds Kel
    • The Tarantula's Pet Frog
    • Fruitful
    • The Mama and the Papa
    • One Wish Each
    • Henry the Seventh (If Shakespeare Was Honest)
    • Garage Invasion
    • Proud Mary and Prejudiced Lydia
    • Grounding Santa
    • Restoring Romeo
    • Surfing in Munich
    • Unromantic Bouquet
    • This Particular Crevasse
    • Played for a Sap
    • A Supportive Wife Supports Her Wife
    • Feline High-Rise Syndrome
    • Shelter in Comfort
    • President Charles Evans Hughes
    • Helga Goes Bats
    • Welcome to Belarus
    • Table in the Air
    • Phony on a Twig
    • Rabbit Warns Gannet
    • Librarians Embrace Fiction
    • The Top Seed and the Poor Seedlings
    • The Name of Action
    • Money Talks Too Loud
    • Fingers and Toeses
    • Miriam's Mother
    • She's Got His Number
    • Triple Helping
    • Mother of Chemistry
    • Horror at Sea
    • Retha's First March
    • Subversive Action Chick
    • Rivals-Slash-Friends
    • Pseudo-Human Resources
    • Help Found
    • Rasha and Abd
    • Aleema the Boy Girl
    • Who Remembers Éponine’s Sister?
    • Fire Up
    • Lullaby for a Librarian
    • Love Those Cockroaches
    • Trumpettes Anonymous
    • Amazons of Tomorrow
    • Dueling Judges
    • Murder Runs in Our Family
    • Cheerleaders and Cheeseburgers
    • Ambitious Cutlery
    • Public Deaths
    • The Girl Who Would Rather Not Grow Up Just Yet
    • Gab Irish-Like
    • Two Divided by One
    • Rival Pseudonyms
    • Smile on a Mask
    • Wayward Seniors
    • Almost Immortal
    • Sugar Horror
    • Taking the Plunge
    • Becky and Tom
    • Zany Planets
    • Battle for the Front Seat
    • Kindness Pays
    • Save the Sasquatch
    • Her Daughter's Doll
    • We Aren't Aliens
    • Cushion
    • Phenomenals Anonymous
    • Cobra v Tiger
    • Marked for Deletion
    • Party Crasher on a Mission
    • Next Door Nativity
    • Estella Expects a Lot
    • Canary Now
    • Enemies on a Date
    • The Flames of Patience
    • Higgledy-Trilogy
    • Marietta's Ultimatum
    • Vegan Vigilantes
    • Tina, Queen of Scots
    • Speechless
    • Geordie Heroine
    • The Fruits of Lust
    • Horrifying Mary
    • Possible Fathers
    • Refloat Our Whale
    • Swinging Campers
    • Jane Errant
    • Cathy Haunts Catherine
    • Skull Against the Sky
    • The Ghostly Christmas Pest
    • Unsuspecting Donor
    • Toothlessness Bites
    • Lost Judgment
    • Help Full
    • Help Less
    • Natasha Toughs It Out
    • Outfox
    • Tempting Sabah
    • Eleventh Night
    • Kurt and Orla
    • Turn of the Tidier
    • The Fifth Street Women's Building Takeover
    • Best Chance Café
    • Roasting Death
    • Fountain of Youth
    • The Power of Enchantment
    • Clash of the Lorde Fans
    • Your Server Tonight Is Cassandra
    • The First Christmas Presents
    • Grandis, Juliette
    • Herding Catastrophes
    • Penelope's Feast
    • Extreme Decluttering
    • Courtesy
    • Twilight of the Grizzly
    • Love and Acoustics
    • Pull Together
    • Boot's Trip
    • Fern and Her Father
    • Thirteenth Night
    • Abigail Wades In
    • Unfurl
    • Eradicting Apathy
    • Revitalized
    • Who Loves More
    • Chest-Beating for Gentlemen
    • That's No Mannequin (That's His Wife)
    • Put Down the Gun
    • Shredded
    • It Could Be Anyone
    • Skull
  • Plays
    • I Love an Earthling
    • Tricky Intervention
    • Sunshine in Every Window
    • Margaret Thatcher Changes the World
    • Girls Rock the Classics
    • Izzy Sticks With It
    • Birds and Money
    • Lady Godiva Womans Up
    • Three Weird Mornings at the Library
    • It's Ours! The Fifth Street Women's Building Takeover, 1971
    • Miss Imposter
    • Girls on the Brink
    • Who's Manipulative?
    • Female Scientists to the Rescue
    • Queen Takes Emperor
    • Grow Up, Girls
    • Brink Time
    • Manipulative
    • The Sword and the Gown
    • Safe Trip
    • Pacific Caper
    • Thena and Taz
    • Stale Obsession
    • A Hard Fifty Years' Night
    • Nine Plays Wonder
    • Clash of the Delusions
    • Lady Godiva Doesn't Ride Again
    • Margaret Thatcher Hits New Zealand
    • Wind Above the Water
    • Plights
    • Unpardonable Virtues
    • Nude with Tuba and Skull
    • Triple Fandango
    • Snatched
    • Hour of Misjudgement
  • Audio plays
    • Contains Nudity
    • This Particular Crevasse
    • Suspect Sleuths
    • Wind Above the Water
    • Lament of the Failed Alcoholic
    • Above the Stave
    • Finesse
    • A Flying Visit
  • Monologues
    • None of Your Blarney
    • Tabby's Plague Diary
    • Boot's Vacation
    • Nourishing Marion
    • Sweet Fright
    • Missing Applause
    • Olive Struts and Frets
    • Will Kemp's Turn
    • Frida Kahlo Must Be Jewish
    • Farsighted
    • An Educated Palate
    • Fern's Plan
    • Sweetness and Light
    • The One Waving
    • The Reluctant Barker
    • Shakespeare's Protestation
    • The Frog-Footman's Statement
    • A Bride for the Pope
    • Beaver Loves Otter
    • Derrick's Tactic
    • Post-Baby Body
    • Innocent Glutton
    • Officially Recovered
    • Carriage Horse Chat
    • Kia Orāna, Joe
    • Elizabeth's Revenge
    • Phoenix on Ice
    • The Roses or the Bat
    • Lady Godiva's Daughter
    • Friar Oswald's Confession
    • Let's Just Chill
    • Erica, Oswald and Shakespeare
    • Speechless
    • The Clueless Bishop
    • Your Attention, Please
    • Paddy's Spiel
  • Published Scripts
  • Links
  • Contact
  • Musicals
    • BonanzaLear
    • Possible Fathers
    • Space Dancers
  • Books
    • Laugh with Jesus
    • Cuisine for Angels
  • Stories
  • Collaboration
    • Dinah Might

Carriage Horse Chat

Monologue for male or female

Tiger is a cheerful New York carriage horse.

TIGER
Howdy. I’m Tiger.

I know, funny name for a horse. I think it’s an ironic reference to my docile nature.

Calmness is a must in my job. I’m a carriage puller. Up in Central Park.

I’ve never bitten a single tourist. I have amazing self-control.

This is where I live. Clinton Stables. West 52nd Street. Near the Hudson. Nice quiet neighborhood. Not exactly overflowing with lush green fields. On the twenty-five blocks between Columbus Circle and the High Line there’s only one grass paddock. The mangy dog run over there. Who wants turd-flavored lawn? I wouldn’t feed that to a dog.

This sure ain’t no place for equine fine dining. I call it the kitchen from Hell.

Gimme Central Park any day. Clean succulent grass everywhere. Paradise. Even if it is tantalizingly outta reach. I have to stick to the dang road.

I hear some folks are campaigning to ban carriage rides. And other folks wanna keep ’em. I’m cool either way. I enjoy my work. But I wouldn’t mind taking an early retirement. Put me out to pasture in that delicious Sheep Meadow.

What’ll happen to my driver though? Wonder where he’ll end up. A glue factory?

Anyway, I’ll be fine. Everyone’s concerned for my welfare.

So if you’re ever in the Park, look around for me. I’ll be either entertaining clients or grazing in the Sheep Meadow.

Never seen any sheep there. Rename it the Tiger Meadow and lemme at it!

Performance by Gabriel Diehl