None of Your Blarney
monologue
* Award: TentSquare "Love Letter" Monologue Challenge - 1st Place Writer Winner
"It seemed to be a cleverly cynical statement about the hard realities of love, only to turn it around at the last two lines. It surprised and completely sold me."
- Ty Drago (judge)
This comic monologue gives a male or female actor a chance to do an Irish accent.
PAT
PAT
They say love is blind.
I disagree. It’s more shortsighted like.
Take them romance novels. Or romcom flicks. Whatta they focus on? The courtship phase.
Dead fierce, sure. But it’s only a wee part of a relationship. In terms o’ time spent, less than one percent.
Bit like comin’ home from a trip around the world an’ sayin’ the highlight was the drive to the airport.
Diabolical.
Still ’n all, that’s no the worst o’ it. If lovestruck eejits stuck to gazin’ in each other’s eyes, who’d give a shite? But they don’t stop there. The feckers are mighty liberal with their vows.
“I’ll ALWAYS love y’.”
“I’ll be true FOREVER.”
Even though they can’t see beyond their sweetheart’s nose job, they claim to be right experts on eternity.
This is the real test for myopia. Your distance vision like.
When it comes to love, hardly anyone takes the long view.
Let’s face it. Over the course of a lifetime even the most pathetic wanker falls in and out o’ love a number o’ times.
An’ people are livin’ much longer these days. What used to be a once-in-a-lifetime experience now crops up at least twice.
If we all jist took a wee step back an’ considered the full range of our romantic adventures, maybe we’d be a bit more tolerant like…
So please, darlin’. Whatta y’ say?
Gis another chance.
I disagree. It’s more shortsighted like.
Take them romance novels. Or romcom flicks. Whatta they focus on? The courtship phase.
Dead fierce, sure. But it’s only a wee part of a relationship. In terms o’ time spent, less than one percent.
Bit like comin’ home from a trip around the world an’ sayin’ the highlight was the drive to the airport.
Diabolical.
Still ’n all, that’s no the worst o’ it. If lovestruck eejits stuck to gazin’ in each other’s eyes, who’d give a shite? But they don’t stop there. The feckers are mighty liberal with their vows.
“I’ll ALWAYS love y’.”
“I’ll be true FOREVER.”
Even though they can’t see beyond their sweetheart’s nose job, they claim to be right experts on eternity.
This is the real test for myopia. Your distance vision like.
When it comes to love, hardly anyone takes the long view.
Let’s face it. Over the course of a lifetime even the most pathetic wanker falls in and out o’ love a number o’ times.
An’ people are livin’ much longer these days. What used to be a once-in-a-lifetime experience now crops up at least twice.
If we all jist took a wee step back an’ considered the full range of our romantic adventures, maybe we’d be a bit more tolerant like…
So please, darlin’. Whatta y’ say?
Gis another chance.
PlayList, WoLab
King's Head Theatre London March 4-5, 2018 Performed by Conor Deane (Pat) Directed by Christopher Adams |
Conor Deane (Pat)
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Valentine's Day Monologue-A-Looza
Samuel French Bookshop
Los Angeles, California
February 11, 2018
Performed by Brittny Roberts (Pat)
Samuel French Bookshop
Los Angeles, California
February 11, 2018
Performed by Brittny Roberts (Pat)
Avena Wallace
Just Do Right
Atramental Theatre
Nailour Hall & Jean Stokes Community Hall
London
November 20-25, 2016
Performed by Avena Wallace (Pat)
Produced by Rory Devlin
Atramental Theatre
Nailour Hall & Jean Stokes Community Hall
London
November 20-25, 2016
Performed by Avena Wallace (Pat)
Produced by Rory Devlin
Scott Finlayson in None of Your Blarney, Spokane, Washington
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(staged reading)
Fast and Furious III Stage Left Theater Spokane, Washington January 30-31, 2016 Produced by Sandra Hosking Actor: Scott Finlayson (Pat) 
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Two contrasting performances by Christine Williamson (comic v dramatic):
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Featured in the TentSquare "Love Letter" Monologue Challenge
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Performance by Marco Rocha
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Performance by Scott Finlayson (Begins at 8:00 minutes)
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