Innocent Glutton

monologue

An accident-prone food lover writes to Santa.

Sample:

Dear Santa,
It wasn’t my fault
That the train jumped the tracks with a jolt,
Killing one man on board.
I thought pulling the cord
Was a way to get pepper and salt.

Dear Santa,
You mustn’t blame me
For that restaurant fire that killed three.
Though I did strike the match,
I just fancied a batch
​Of hot crumpets flambé’d with my tea